The words and accusations are the first sign they start coming out and that is when you should consider yourself warned. Now is the time to be doing a thorough investigation and start distancing yourself if it’s beyond repair as I will share.
How are you keeping it all together and be able to work by staying positive and still going about your daily life?
Am I supposed to take the bull by the horn and forge ahead at the first sign?
Why would I let this situation drown me or should I say take control of me?
I thought I knew the reason why I was able to function. My desire to continue with my daily life was multifaceted. I thought I was strong or was it because I have children to provide for?
First Sign Of Their True Character
An individual’s true character can and will hide only for so long. The derogatory remarks start coming out of their mouth about you. Belittling words start to come out here and there. Their mannerisms start to come out too which means their true character starts appearing like a leaky faucet.
These individuals present themselves to you like they are well put together but the inner presence (evil spirit) comes out here and there, anger, rage, control, narcissistic behaviors.
Warning: It’s All About Them!
They love to flatter you is another first sign
they flaunt about having money, they
buy you things, they
boast about how they are successful, they
brag all the time about themselves.
They say hurtful things to you
they start talking about your appearance,
how you speak, how you talk with and to others, they
tell you are not doing this right or that right.
The Game of Blame when you try talking to them about how you are feeling and how you will never live up to their expectations, they start saying mean things, they make you feel like you are worth nothing, they blame you for their messiness, etc.
It’s over or is it? You decide you are done, you want to leave but, they talk you out of it. They even tell you that you are going to regret this decision of yours, they beg and plea with you to stay, things go well for a bit, then the cycle starts again.
How many times are you going to repeat these events with (this particular type of person)?
When is enough, enough?
What can you do to remove yourself from these elements?
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
This is why I was able to survive and remain steadfast.
These are normal post-incident stress symptoms and how to cope with them. Some of the stress symptoms that individuals may experience after traumatic incidents are listed below. These symptoms can be physical, cognitive, emotional, or behavioral. They are best seen as normal reactions to unusual circumstances.
Post-Incident stress
Post-Incident Stress Symptoms
Having symptoms of stress means your mind and body are going through some adjustments or trying to recover normal responses.
80-85% of those individuals exposed to critical incidents will show a noticeable symptom within 24 hours.
50% of those above may be affected after three or more weeks. Symptoms will be more marked in relationship to the severity of the incident. Additionally, some studies indicate that
87% of the individuals who are provided immediate intervention through critical post-incident stress debriefing and peer support will not need long term counseling.
The signs and symptoms may last a few days, weeks or months, based on the severity of the traumatic event. With understanding and support from peers, management and loved ones, the reactions usually pass more quickly. Occasionally, professional assistance from a counselor may be necessary. This does not mean the individual is weak, but indicates this person will need additional support.
TENSION: Physical and emotional tension, being excessively hyper, unable to relax or sit still for very long, muscle tremors or twitches.
NAUSEA, VOMITING OR OTHER GASTROINTESTINAL UPSET: Especially during or immediately after the incident.
BODY TEMPERATURE REGULATION: Profuse sweating or chills at unusual times.
SLEEP DISTURBANCES: Either the inability to fall asleep, disruptive dreams or nightmares or waking up earlier than usual.
FATIGUE: Always tired. No pep or energy.
INTRUSIVE THOUGHT AND MEMORIES: Thinking about the incident or some recurring memory associated with the incident when you don’t want to.
NEGATIVE FEELINGS/CRYING: Unpleasant feeling that may come without warning, such a profound sadness, helplessness, fear, anxiety, anger, rage, discouragement, frustration or depression.
A FEELING OF VULNERABILITY OR LACK OF CONTROL: Feeling exposed to threat, not in control of one’s life anymore or paranoia.
INTERPERSONAL PROBLEMS WITH ALCOHOL OR DRUGS: “Self-medication” can be a symptom of post-incident stress.
COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR: Increased problems such as compulsive eating or other compulsive behaviors.
A VAGUE FEELING OF SELF-BLAME: Usually this fixes on some particular aspect of the incident. A sense of having lost self-value or diminished self-esteem. “I could have done this or should have done that.”
The following are some procedures that may help you successfully cope with stress. Some may work for you while others may not. Use these procedures on a trial basis. Stick with the ones that seem to work best for you.
EXPRESSING FEELINGS: Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust, even though it may be painful to do so. Make sure the other person understands you’re not asking for a solution to your feelings, just an opportunity to express how you feel.
FACING THE PAIN: Painful and fearful thought or memories come back when you don’t want them to. That’s normal, but our first reaction is to keep this from happening. If we allow the thoughts or memories to come back, we can release some of the tension that is making them occur. You can even say to yourself, “Okay that’s enough!” Gradually you will gain more control over these intrusive thoughts and feelings. Once you learn to deal with them, they will eventually subside.
DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES: Nightmares are a very common reaction to post-incident stress. These symptoms are necessary to regain emotional balance and they usually disappear after a couple of weeks. Although dreams and nightmares can never be controlled completely, some people have learned to diminish them using various techniques, deliberately thinking about the trauma before they go to sleep and then saying to themselves, “Okay, that’s enough, I’m going to dream about something else.” If you are having trouble sleeping, try reading or watching television. Insomnia will probably resolve in a few days.
RECOGNIZING SELF-BLAME AND SURVISOR’S GUILT: It is normal to feel some blame just for surviving a traumatic incident, especially if other people were killed or severely injured. Recognize this for what it is: an irrational thought. It is okay to have survived.
CHANGING THE MEMORY: Remember that what is upsetting you after a traumatic incident is not the incident itself, but your memory of it. If it is a memory, you can change what you recall. If some particularly upsetting scene keeps coming back to you, try substituting some other memory of the incident that has less painful emotions associated with it.
EXERCISE: Strenuous exercise afterward is very useful, especially if you’re already in good physical shape. However, don’t over do it and cause more harm than good.
GETTING BACK TO WORK: Get back to work when it is realistic, but accept the jitters that you might feel with the reminders of the incident. These are normal and will go away with time.
DECREASE ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION: Many people feel a “drink” eases tension. However, alcohol is actually not useful to the body in coping with post-incident stress.
ACCEPT ENJOYMENT AND DIVERSION: Even if the incident was a serious one. Or consequences occurred due to the actions of others. It is okay to enjoy yourself and forget the incident. There may be a time later that you need to recall what happened. Caring is fine but constant worrying serves no true purpose. Be kind to yourself, go to a movie, get involved in an activity you enjoy, etc.
IF NECESSARY, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP: Sometimes post-incident stress is so severe that professional help is necessary for working through it. This is the smart thing to do; it is not a sign of weakness. It takes a lot of courage to work with a professional, to face your own pain and fear. Be proud of yourself and not apologetic.
DON’T EXPECT MIRACLE CURES: Working through post-incident stress takes a long time and it is never really finished. Try to accept this and in time you can put things in proper perspective. What has happened is over and you cannot change it. You can learn from what happened and gain inner strength as time passes.
THE BOTTOM LINE: The bottom line in dealing with traumatic stress is to face it. If it can be face squarely and dealt with in a constructive way, that is half the battle. THINK POSITIVE.
Try spending some time with a senior citizen a widow or someone that everyone has given up on. It’s like feeling like you are in a packed full elevator.
Crammed in like sardines
Waiting for an opening
Suffocating
Awaiting release
Isolation
Elevator Syndrome
It’s much like you taking an elevator, you know the crowded elevators.
Being crammed in close quarters with those you’ve never met.
Trying to keep your distance, like never wanting to touch them.
No one says a word, except an excuse for them to make their way around you.
You don’t make eye contact with anyone.
You look up or down just not around.
Waiting for the number to pop up on the screen
How freeing that can be to know that you have arrived
People should be our most cherished resource. Just like Jesus was to all.
He Cares
He listens
He Served
He Reached Out
He Supported
He Affirmed and Encouraged
He stayed in Touch
He Walked With People
Loners who care only for themselves spit on the common good.
Then Jesus went again to walk alongside the lake. Again a crowd came to him, and he taught them. Strolling along, he saw Levi, son of Alphaeus, at his work collecting taxes. Jesus said, “Come along with me.” He came. Later Jesus and his disciples were at home having supper with a collection of disreputable guests. Unlikely as it seems, more than a few of them had become followers. The religion scholars and Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company and lit into his disciples: “What kind of example is this, acting cozy with the riff-raff?” Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I’m here inviting the sin-sick, not the spiritually-fit.”
Then he turned to the host. “The next time you put on a dinner, don’t just invite your friends and family and rich neighbors, the kind of people who will return the favor.Invite some people who never get invited out, the misfits from the wrong side of the tracks. You’ll be – and experience – a blessing. They won’t be able to return the favor, but the favor will be returned – oh, how it will be returned! – at the resurrection of God’s people.” That triggered a response from one of the guests: “How fortunate the one who gets to eat dinner in God’s kingdom!” Jesus followed up. “Yes. For there was once a man who threw a great dinner party and invited many. When it was time for dinner, he sent out his servant to the invited guests, saying, ‘Come on in; the food’s on the table.’ “Then they all began to beg off, one after another making excuses. The first said, ‘I bought a piece of property and need to look it over. Send my regrets.’ “Another said, ‘I just bought five teams of oxen, and I really need to check them out. Send my regrets.’ “And yet another said, ‘I just got married and need to get home to my wife.’ “The servant went back and told the master what had happened. He was outraged and told the servant, ‘Quickly, get out into the city streets and alleys. Collect all who look like they need a square meal, all the misfits and homeless and wretched you can lay your hands on, and bring them here.’ “The servant reported back, ‘Master, I did what you commanded – and there’s still room.’ “The master said, ‘Then go to the country roads. Whoever you find, drag them in. I want my house full!
They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers. Everyone around was in awe – all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person’s need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.
During this time, as the disciples were increasing in numbers by leaps and bounds, hard feelings developed among the Greek-speaking believers – “Hellenists” – toward the Hebrew-speaking believers because their widows were being discriminated against in the daily food lines. So the Twelve called a meeting of the disciples. They said, “It wouldn’t be right for us to abandon our responsibilities for preaching and teaching the Word of God to help with the care of the poor. So, friends, choose seven men from among you whom everyone trusts, men full of the Holy Spirit and good sense, and we’ll assign them this task. Meanwhile, we’ll stick to our assigned tasks of prayer and speaking God’s Word.”
Let us celebrate, let us rejoice, let us give him the glory! The Marriage of the Lamb has come; his Wife has made herself ready. She was given a bridal gown of bright and shining linen. The linen is the righteousness of the saints. The Angel said to me, “Write this: ‘Blessed are those invited to the Wedding Supper of the Lamb.'” He added, “These are the true words of God!”
I’m either your hero or your enemy today, depending on how you handled this bit of information.
Our Mission To Help With Isolation
Re-Establish
Family Fun
Meaningful Mealtimes
Sitting and Reminiscing
Get Involved somehow, some way
The Good Ole’ Days
Look back on the holidays where everyone gathered together before isolation.
Allow those times to weave their way back into the fabric of your mind.
It’s a time where we reflect.
Study the scene created by another who cared deeply enough about another.
Thoughtfully, silently, sit alone at a length of time without interruptions of your routine tasks.
Take inthe time to stop, listen and think.
What thoughts emerge, as your thoughts drift off and you linger in these memorable meaningful times? Was it music playing, people’s voices, noises of laughter, odors radiating from the oven, games being played sitting around a table, find what mattered to you most and provide it for another.
“But blessed is the man who trusts me, God, the woman who sticks with God. They’re like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the rivers – Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf, Serene and calm through droughts, bearing fresh fruit every season.
I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy; I smack my lips. It’s time to shout praises! If I’m sleepless at midnight, I spend the hours in grateful reflection.
If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care – then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death – and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion. Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth – even those long ago dead and buried – will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.
Give sacrificially today to someone else, but don’t tell anyone what you did.
We must learn new ways to cope with our unhealthy stress. I will share various causes of unhealthy stress and ways to cope with stress.
Are you frequently overwhelmed by all you have to do?
Do you often experience feelings of stress, guilt, fatigue, frustration, and anger because of the burdens you face in life?
If so, you’re not living the abundant life that God intends for you to live. God wants you to be emotionally healthy and able to live with peace and joy, no matter what circumstances you may go through.
You can enjoy that kind of life if you quit doing things that damage your soul and sabotage your ability to enjoy good emotional health. Here’s how you can change your life to be emotionally healthy:
Don’t compare yourself to others. You are unique and can do a limited number of things well.
Release yourself from the pressure of trying to please other people and focus solely on pleasing God. God’s opinion of you is the only one that ultimately matters. You have inherent worth because God has made you in His image, and you don’t need to try to earn God’s approval if you place your trust in Jesus, because Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for your sins is enough for you to be set right with God.
Take a few days to pay attention to how you may be trying to use words and actions to gain approval from other people. Then pray about what you notice, asking God to empower you to change those unhealthy habits and give you the confidence to simply be yourself when interacting with people. Read Bible verses that describe God’s love for you, and reflect on them often. Choose to base your identity on God’s love for you rather than on what others think of you.
Even if you don’t deliberately lie, you may be lying to God, yourself, or other people without realizing it if you’re not careful to live with complete emotional honesty. Do you find yourself avoiding commenting on something when telling the truth would be awkward or painful? God wants you to feel free to always speak the truth in love and the degree to which you speak the truth is the degree to which you are free.
Ask God to give you the strength to live with emotional integrity in every situation from now on. Expect conflict to occur in your relationships after you change the dynamics of them by being honest about your views. But trust that God will help you through it well if you proceed respectfully and at the right timing while avoiding blame and taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings.
While God does want you to die to sinful things that harm your soul, He doesn’t want you to deprive yourself of gifts He makes available to you to nurture your soul. So don’t deny yourself healthy pleasures, such as taking walks outdoors, getting together with friends for a meal or concert, or pursuing a hobby you enjoy.
Keep in mind that you must care well for yourself before you can care well for other people God wants you to serve (such as your spouse and children).
Accept the reality that you have emotional, mental, and physical limits to what you can do without becoming overly stressed and realize that those limits are gifts from God, meant to help you make wise, healthy choices.
Discover yourself by getting to know your heart (your thoughts, feelings, and values), your story (how your past has influenced the way you think and behave now), and your personality. Once you learn more about yourself, use that information to care for yourself well from now on.
Embrace the full range of your emotions including difficult feelings like anger, sadness, and fear so that you can learn what God wants you to learn from them. Instead of denying or suppressing your emotions, decide to feel them fully, so you can explore them. Consider recording your feelings in a journal to help you identify your emotions and reflect on them.
Ask God to help you discern the specific reasons why you’re feeling the way you are. Then take appropriate action, responding to the information your feelings give you, however, God leads you to do so.
Learn new ways to cope with our unhealthy stress
Sometimes traumatic stress is so severe that professional help is necessary for working through it. This is the smart thing to do; it is not a sign of weakness. It takes a lot of courage to work with a professional, to face your pain and fear. Be proud of yourself and not apologetic.
Working through post-traumatic stress takes a long time and it is never really finished. Try to accept this and in time you can put things in proper perspective. What has happened is over and you cannot change it. You can learn from what happened and gain inner strength as time passes.
The bottom line in dealing with traumatic stress is to face it. If it can be faced squarely and dealt with constructively, that is half the battle. THINK POSITIVE
Cope With Unhealthy Stress
Our busyness can lead to unhealthy stress. That means we must learn to prioritize our commitments going forward. Learn to categorize your commitments by what you have to do compared to what you would like to do.
Be selective when committing to do something by a particular time frame, life happens.
Start your conversation by saying ‘at this time I will not be able to commit to ” ” I will let you know if that changes.
Sleeping
Too much stress can make falling or staying asleep difficult.
When we were teenagers we needed about 10-12 hours of sleep a night and that was because our bodies were growing and maturing rapidly. As adults, we may only need 8 hours of sleep each night.
If falling or staying asleep describes what you are experiencing, I suggest that you speak with a healthcare provider to learn new ways that will help you overcome your exhaustion.
Expressing
Finding safe people to talk to and share your experiences with can be helpful. We must understand that most people are feeling the same peer pressures.
Journaling your thoughts and feelings can also be therapeutic.
Wellness
Know that good nutrition helps alleviate your stress because you feel better and you will have more energy.
Let’s be honest with ourselves that all the not good for me food tastes good and it seems to be cheap and convenient for us to obtain.
Have you ever looked at the ingredients you are consuming?
Regular exercise is a proven to be a great stress reducer and it will physically benefit your body for the long haul. Exercise relieves tension, helps you relax and will even help you sleep better that is if you don’t exercise right before bed time.
Work hard to do your best for yourself and learn to be realistic about what you can and cannot accomplish. Attempting to be perfect creates stress and may even destroy you and your relationships. Do what works for you.
Symptoms
Having symptoms of stress means your mind and body are going through some adjustments or trying to recover normal responses.
Symptoms we may experience can be physical, cognitive, emotional, or behavioral. They are best seen as normal reactions to unusual circumstances.
Physical and emotional tension, being excessively hyper, unable to relax or sit still for very long, muscle tremors or twitches.
Nausea and throwing up may occur especially during or immediately after an incident.
Profuse sweating or chills at unusual times.
Either the inability to fall asleep, disruptive dreams or nightmares or waking up earlier than usual.
Always tired. No pep or energy.
Individuals who are provided immediate intervention through critical incident stress debriefing and peer support will not need long term counseling.
Events We Need To Cope With
The signs and symptoms may last a few days, weeks, or months, based on the severity of the traumatic event.
Thinking about the incident or some recurring memory associated with the incident when you don’t want to.
The unpleasant feelings that may come without warning, such as profound sadness, helplessness, fear, anxiety, anger, rage, discouragement, frustration, or depression.
Feeling exposed to a threat, not in control of one’s life anymore, or paranoia. A feeling of vulnerability.
Increased irritability, insensitivity, blaming others, wanting distance instead of closeness.
Using a substance “self-medication” can be a symptom of stress.
Increased problems such as compulsive eating or other compulsive behaviors.
Self-blame with some particular aspect of the incident. “I could have done this or should have done that.”
With understanding and support from peers, management, and loved ones, the reactions usually pass more quickly.
Occasionally, professional assistance from a counselor may be necessary. This does not mean the individual is weak but indicates this person will need additional support.
Strategies To Cope
The following are some procedures that have been used successfully to cope with stress. Some may work for you while others may not. Stick with the ones that seem to work best for you.
Make sure the other person understands you’re not asking for a solution to your feelings, just an opportunity to express how you feel. Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust, even though it may be painful to do so.
If we allow the thoughts or memories to come back, we can release some of the tension that is making them occur. Painful and fearful thoughts or memories come back when you don’t want them to. That’s normal, but our first reaction is to keep this from happening. You can even say to yourself, “Okay that’s enough!”
Gradually you will gain more control over these intrusive thoughts and feelings. Once you learn to deal with them, they will eventually subside.
If you are having trouble sleeping, try reading or watching television. Nightmares are a very common reaction to traumatic stress. These symptoms are necessary to regain emotional balance and they usually disappear after a couple of weeks.
A Way To Cope
Although they can never be controlled completely, some people have learned to diminish nightmares by deliberately thinking about the trauma sometimes before they go to sleep and then saying to themselves, “Okay, that’s enough, I’m going to dream about something else.”
The Memories
It is normal to feel some blame just for surviving a traumatic incident, especially if other people were killed or severely injured. Recognize this for what it is: an irrational thought. It is okay to have survived.
Remember that what is upsetting you after a traumatic incident is not the incident itself, but your memory of it. If it is a memory, you can change what you recall.
If some particularly upsetting scene keeps coming back to you, try substituting some other memory of the incident that has less painful emotions associated with it.
To Cope Better
Strenuous exercise afterward is very useful, especially if you’re already in good physical shape. However, don’t overdo it and cause more harm than good.
Get back to work when it is realistic, but accept the jitters that you might feel with the reminders of the incident. These are normal and will go away with time.
Many people feel a “drink” eases tension. However, alcohol is not useful to the body in coping with stress.
Even if the incident was a serious one. Or consequences occurred due to the actions of others. It is okay to enjoy yourself and forget the incident. There may be a time later when you need to recall what happened.
Caring is fine but constant worrying serves no true purpose.
Be kind to yourself, go to a movie, get involved in an activity you enjoy, etc.
It was a crazy, fun, and exhilarating night when it came to locating the lost. What an amazing night last night… we were sprinkled on, while other areas received a downpour of rain. The rain didn’t stop what we were doing, we fed the lost, unwanted, used, and abused.
lost
Walking the Streets
We walked the streets passing out carnations and sweet treats to the girls that are being trafficked. Linda passed out bibles to the men and women. While Britani prayed over these precious children. Jennie graced them with her energy and she even gave her jacket to a lady that had only a t-shirt.
Thank you Jesus for these opportunities I have experienced.
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. John 15:13–14
Lay Down Your Life
In your life right now where would a situation call for you to lay down your life for another?
We are all called to leave our worldly desires behind and work in the name of Jesus, with the sick, the poor, the orphans and the widows. All these people need our help.
It’s really hard to think back in time and remember or does that even matter when it comes to being lost too? The what, why, where, and how it all came to be or does that even matter when it comes to being lost?
During the next couple of years, I thought I was getting stronger by going through it with my friends and acquaintances. But, in reality these friends were not getting me through it, they gave me the tools to remain numb, they influenced me the way they kept themselves numb.
We must fight for what is right, the right way though.
Caring For Others
I have the spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by overseeing, training and caring for the needs of others. And that was and it still is to present the whole Word of God.
We must be more concerned with doing for others than others doing for us.
Protective Of Others
My pleasing personality draws people to me with a burden to see others learn and grow and are protective of those under my care.
Wanting to protect girls from being trafficked led me to working on and off the streets with the girls who are trafficked. Prior to doing this kind of work I had obtained some extensive training in regards to gangs. I’ve gone into the Sacramento Juvenile Hall to teach in a group setting including having a private setting one on one with the girls.
I decided to become a correctional officer and passed rigorous tests to end up not going that direction for many reasons which make even more sense now.
Disillusionment
Why did I ever come forth from the womb to look on trouble and sorry, so that my days have been spent in shame? Who hasn’t wrestled with similar questions and doubts? Few express it more vividly a dark tunnel of suffering when the pain won’t go away. Our words go unuttered and hidden away in the secret vaults of our minds. God’s silence can leave us questioning his love for us, and why He permits certain things to occur that seemingly defy His character.
Then a surge of hope comes from God giving me the confidence I need. A renewed sense of determination swelled up within me. I dare to take on another painful task.
I Lost Myself Along The Way
Then, me making a big mistake, I lost myself, and my sanity, and all while my well-being got worse and this included my mental health when I decided to go to work for The Salvation Army. My first supervisor Joye was an officer’s child. There is favoritism and protection when it comes to being an officer’s family member
Needless to say, I won multiple lawsuits against The Salvation Army because they continually put my life in danger, working me 15–19 hours a day and threatening me with insubordination when I refused to work the seventh day of the week. You guess what day that is.
This non-profit and its officers choose not to follow employment laws i.e. Osha, DOT, Industrial Affairs, etc. The Worker Comp Judge found the employer at fault, praise God! I spent countless hours defending myself and proving mistreatment on many levels.
I’ve sought out counseling because I suffered so much working for them. This included panic attacks then to having a nervous breakdown while I was driving the company vehicle. Anxiety and depression set in.
I’ve since learned so much when it comes to being an employee; my rights and my well-being should take priority.
Reassurance
Reassurance has returned with a fresh breeze of hop in the pits the disillusionment must go and become a thing of the past.
Don’t bother your head with braggarts or wish you could succeed like the wicked. In no time they’ll shrivel like grass clippings and wilt like cut flowers in the sun. Get insurance with God and do a good deed, settle down and stick to your last.Keep company with God, get in on the best. Open up before God, keep nothing back; he’ll do whatever needs to be done: He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon. Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him. Don’t bother with those who climb the ladder, who elbow their way to the top. Bridle your anger, trash your wrath, cool your pipes – it only makes things worse. Before long the crooks will be bankrupt; God-investors will soon own the store. Before you know it, the wicked will have had it; you’ll stare at his once famous place and – nothing! Down-to-earth people will move in and take over, relishing a huge bonanza. Bad guys have it in for the good guys, obsessed with doing them in. But God isn’t losing any sleep; to him they’re a joke with no punch line.
‘Dear God, my Master, you created earth and sky by your great power – by merely stretching out your arm! There is nothing you can’t do. You’re loyal in your steadfast love to thousands upon thousands – but you also make children live with the fallout from their parent’s sins. Great and powerful God, named God-of-the-Angel-Armies, determined in purpose and relentless in following through, you see everything that men and women do and respond appropriately to the way they live, to the things they do. “‘You performed signs and wonders in the country of Egypt and continue to do so right into the present, right here in Israel and everywhere else, too. You’ve made a reputation for yourself that doesn’t diminish. You brought your people Israel out of Egypt with signs and wonders – a powerful deliverance! – by merely stretching out your arm. You gave them this land and solemnly promised their ancestors a bountiful and fertile land. But when they entered the land and took it over, they didn’t listen to you. They didn’t do what you commanded. They wouldn’t listen to a thing you told them. And so you brought this disaster on them. ‘Oh, look at the siege ramps already set in place to take the city. Killing and starvation and disease are on our doorstep. The Babylonians are attacking! The Word you spoke is coming to pass – it’s daily news! And yet you, God, the Master, even though it is certain that the city will be turned over to the Babylonians, also told me, Buy the field. Pay for it in cash. And make sure there are witnesses.'” Then God’s Message came again to Jeremiah: “Stay alert! I am God, the God of everything living. Is there anything I can’t do? So listen to God’s Message: No doubt about it, I’m handing this city over to the Babylonians and Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon. He’ll take it. The attacking Chaldeans will break through and burn the city down: All those houses whose roofs were used as altars for offerings to Baal and the worship of who knows how many other gods provoked me. It isn’t as if this were the first time they had provoked me. The people of Israel and Judah have been doing this for a long time – doing what I hate, making me angry by the way they live.” God’s Decree. “This city has made me angry from the day they built it, and now I’ve had my fill. I’m destroying it. I can’t stand to look any longer at the wicked lives of the people of Israel and Judah, deliberately making me angry, the whole lot of them – kings and leaders and priests and preachers, in the country and the city. They’ve turned their backs on me – won’t even look me in the face! – even though I took great pains to teach them how to live. They refused to listen, refused to be taught. Why, they even set up obscene god and goddess statues in the Temple built in my honor – an outrageous desecration! And then they went out and built shrines to the god Baal in the valley of Hinnom, where they burned their children in sacrifice to the god Molech – I can hardly conceive of such evil! – turning the whole country into one huge act of sin. “But there is also this Message from me, the God of Israel, to this city of which you have said, ‘In killing and starvation and disease this city will be delivered up to the king of Babylon’: “‘Watch for this! I will collect them from all the countries to which I will have driven them in my anger and rage and indignation. Yes, I’ll bring them all back to this place and let them live here in peace. They will be my people, I will be their God. I’ll make them of one mind and heart, always honoring me, so that they can live good and whole lives, they and their children after them. What’s more, I’ll make a covenant with them that will last forever, a covenant to stick with them no matter what, and work for their good. I’ll fill their hearts with a deep respect for me so they’ll not even think of turning away from me. “‘Oh how I’ll rejoice in them! Oh, how I’ll delight in doing good things for them! Heart and soul, I’ll plant them in this country and keep them here!’ “Yes, this is God’s Message: ‘I will certainly bring this huge catastrophe on this people, but I will also usher in a wonderful life of prosperity. I promise.
I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all – oh, how well I remember – the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.”
Counseling The Lost
In 2021 I decided to become a substance abuse counselor to help people with their addictions.
I’ve seen parents lose their infants, children, and family members because of their additions. I worked in a 24-hour facility. I taught clients in a group setting and I worked one on one with clients. I worked with women and men at two different facilities.
I’ve seen people at their rock bottom, and I’ve seen family reunification take place. I’ve seen clients in fear when it came to the sheriff’s department’s surprise visits because some of the clients are running from the law, some were on probation and some had upcoming court dates.
I’ve driven clients to various appointments. I’ve heard so many of their stories that would make your skin crawl.
I’ve since decided to blog about all the ongoing trials, tribulations, lessons, and victories achieved. I too have experienced so much when it comes to heartache. I consider myself damaged goods and I know that damaged goods still have a purpose. Only God knows what is next! My mission is to see others learn and grow.
What are the characteristics of emotional abuse? This form of abuse is any non-physical behavior or attitude that controls, intimidates, subjugate, demeans, punishes or isolates another person by using degradation, humiliation or fear.
Yelling,
Screaming, and
Name-calling are all forms of emotional abuse, as are more
Subtle tactics: refusing to be pleased with anything,
Isolating an individual from family and friends and
Invalidating another’s thoughts and feelings.
Examples
Here is a list of examples of emotional abuse behaviors
Humiliating and degrading
Discounting, distorting and negating
Accusing and blaming
Isolating
Withholding affection and emotional support
Withholding financial resources
Dismissive, disapproving, or contemptuous looks, comments or behavior
Threatening harm to an individual’s pets, possessions or person
Effects
The effects of emotional abuse are often debilitating the symptoms you may experience
Depression,
Confusion,
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions,
Overwhelming feelings of worthlessness,
Hopelessness and
Poor physical health.
Patterns
Emotional abuse is an ongoing pattern of behavior designed to:
Control,
Manipulate and
Subjugate another that usually occurs behind closed doors.
Example: When you set the table for dinner, your spouse or family member will come into the kitchen, walk around the table and adjust the placement of the silverware, plates and glasses, saying some day you may or will get it right or maybe not ….
Cycles Of Emotional Abuse
Why does one individual abuse another individual?
While the reasons for emotional abuse are complex, most experts believe it is rooted in unresolved childhood trauma. The individual is in as much pain as their victims, only they don’t realize it! It takes a great deal of effort and professional guidance for an abuser to overcome his destructive patterns of behavior.
What does the Bible say?
Nowhere in scripture does God sanction any kind of abuse! 1 Corinthians 13, 4–7 God tells us what love is and what it is not. “It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…It always protects.
In regards to abuse within marriage, some misinterpret Ephesians 5:22 to justify abusive behavior. Scripture reveals that the marriage relationship is to reflect Christ’s relationship with his church — one of sacrificial love. A wife is called to respond to her husband’s biblical headship, not to his destructive and sinful behavior, just as the wife’s mandate is to respect her husband.
God never condones abuse! Can survivors of emotional abuse find help and hope? If you or someone you love is a victim of emotional abuse, there is hope! You can stop the cycle of abuse today by reaching out for help!
You were created to have emotional freedom, inner peace, and strong self-esteem. Emotional abuse has undermined God’s plan for your life, your joy, and your peace. But what others have sabotaged, God can rebuild!” Emotional abuse is rampant in our culture, and Christians are not immune. While all emotionally abusive relationships exact a toll on their victims, this type of domestic abuse within marriage is particularly destructive. The intimate nature of the marriage relationship presents unique challenges.
Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? Were you raised in a dysfunctional family? Our childhood experiences may set us up for making poor choices later on in life. You may need help to work through the challenges — as a couple, individually or both.
Victims of Emotional Abuse
Find a safe place to talk and to someone, seek professional guidance each situation must be assessed on an individual level. Is separation from this individual an option?
A time to heal in the life of the abuser. It forces them to face the destructive nature of their behavior and gives them an opportunity to seek help. The ultimate goal of this type of separation is healing — for the victim, the abuser and the marriage.
Seperation
When a woman says, If I stay here much longer, I’m going to hurt myself or he’s going to hurt me, it’s time for them to move into a period of separation,” There are safety factors for individuals or families that need to be considered.” During the separation, the victim, with guidance from a counselor, can begin to set appropriate boundaries and goals for the relationship.
The abuser can also begin to address the issues causing their behavior. When both partners are willing to do the necessary and painful work required for healing, spouses can salvage the relationship.
Sometimes — and despite best efforts — separation and divorce are unavoidable. Other times, couples restore their relationship. It can be a long and difficult journey, but you can find healing — individually and in marriage. “It may seem hopeless at the time, but it’s not. There is a way out, there is hope!
Is getting advice from others the right thing to do? I beg to differ, I know there is only one we should seek advice from. I know its difficult to not go to your peers. But, its important to go to your Father and patiently wait for His still small voice.
Mentality
Do we want to live with a mentally thought process of saying “I should of” or “could of”? This is total misery! If I would have finished my college education. If only I would have listened to my parents.
Our elders have had their fair share of detours. They share things with us because of their life experiences because, they’re trying to save us.
In life we will make many mistakes, these mistakes will cause you to make some you-turns, you may even hit bumps or better yet you may hit some major chuck holes. And, you know what kind of damage this can cause.
Differences
What is the difference between emotional abuse and occasional outbursts of anger?
It’s important to distinguish between emotional abuse and an occasional outburst of anger. Because, everyone has a bad day once in a while and they may respond with a harsh or negative word on occasion.
Keep a positive attitude, by saying today is a new day, all things are new in it! AMEN!
Today is a fresh do over or start over! Every new day, is a fresh new start, because we can never say it is tomorrow, because in reality it is today.
We can choose to look and live our life looking in the past (looking in the rear view mirror), which means we won’t be moving forward. We must move forward in life, seeking out what is next.
Don’t run around like your a chicken with your head cut off, because hastiness will cause havoc, I know that all too well too. My father had a nickname for me, he would say slow down ‘Hurricane’! Because, I would never do anything slow!
Why follow directions or instructions? The answer is because we need some sort of direction. Who are we listening to when it comes to others?
If we have no direction, or we choose to not stay on the right path our life may turn out like doorathee from Wizherd of Awhz.
Maybe that is why my life has been what it has been.
Many people are unaware of their anger and the connection between their past learning and their current behavior. Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility towards others.
Our learning histories relate to our current anger patterns of behaviors.
Family interactions and issues bring up difficult and painful memories that could trigger anxiety, depression, or relapse toward substance abuse.
How did you experience anger with your parent when you grew up?
Our parents interactions have strongly influenced our behaviors, thoughts, feelings and our attitudes.
What is your current behavior and interactions when it comes to others?
Growing up did you live with both parents? If so did their marriage eventually lead to divorce? Where are there other siblings?
How was anger expressed by your father and/or mother?
How was happiness expressed in your family?
Were you allowed to show your emotions?
How was sadness expressed?
Who disciplined in your household? What devices were used? Were you ever asked to stand in the corner? (this was common for me and so was my hair being pulled. I was put on restriction for long unrealistic times. My mom was the disciplinarian).
Did you have a role for your siblings when it came to arguments starting, or even escalating? What did you do?
What results came from the fighting?
Did you tell yourself I’m never going to act like this when I’m in a relationship or when I get married, or when I have a family?
What behaviors, thoughts, feelings and attitudes carried over into your relationships as of today? What would happen if you started working on these behaviors? Where would you be now in your current relationships?
Strategies For Anger
Strategies you can use to manage your anger are available here.
Anger and the tongue
How Would You Treat A Friend
Think about times when a close friend feels really bad about themself or is really struggling in some way.
How would you respond to your friend when you are at your best? What do you typically do, what do you say,, what tone are you using when you talk to a friend?
Self-Talk
Think about times when you feel bad about yourself and when you are struggling. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? Write down what you typically do, say, or the tone you say to yourself.
Different?
Did you find a difference between you and your friend? If so, ask yourself why? What fears came into play that lead you to treat yourself differently? Why did you tread lightly? What are you afraid to lose? What do you think would change by using the same approach? How things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend when you’re suffering.
The next time try treating yourself like a good friend and see what happens. Its not okay to beat oneself up over making mistakes! If we aren’t willing to beat another person up, then why are we beating our self up?
Write the names of the people who are the most important to you in order below.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What are the good things about your relationship with each of them you have listed above. What if anything has made this relationship with them more difficult? How would things be different in this relationship if you stopped using a substance? When you think about where you hope to be in 5 years from now are there any relationships in particular that you would like to see repaired?
A Team
Teamwork involves thinking of others, not just oneself. Teamwork is the collaborative effort of a group to achieve a common goal or to complete a task in the most effective and efficient way. This concept is seen within the greater framework of a team. A team is a group of interdependent individuals who work together towards a common goal.
Successful teams are those that communicate well with each other, they focus on goals and results. Everyone contributes their fair share and they offer each other support. Team members are diverse and have good leadership with the team. The team is organized which allows them to have fun too.
Tackling obstacles and creating notable work as a team makes each member feel fulfilled. Working toward achieving the companies goals allows the team to feel connected with one another in their team. Along with this comes the loyalty they have with one another and to the team as a whole.
Anger And Our Tongue
The tongue is full of muscles and nerves that enable our bodies to chew, taste and to swallow. It allows us to articulate distinct sounds so we can understand one another. Seldom do we pause and realize how valuable our mouth really is. However the tongue is as volatile as it is vital.
And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set on fire by hell itself. But no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.
As long as you live the tongue will never gain control of itself. Have you ever regretted your speech and never your silence?
I said to myself, I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me. But as I stood there in Silence not event speaking of good things the turmoil within me grew worse. The more I thought about it the hotter I go, igniting a fire of words: Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be, Remind me that my days are numbered how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath. We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hop is in you. Rescue me from my rebellion. Do not let fools mock me. I am silent before you; I won’t say a word, for my punishment is from you. But please stop striking me! I am exhausted by the blows from your hand. When you discipline us for our sins, you consume like a moth what is precious to us. Each of us is but a breath. Hear my prayer, O Lord! Listen to my cries for help! Don’t ignore my tears. For I am your guest a traveler passing through, as my ancestors were before me. Leave me alone so I can smile again before I am gone and exist no more.
Think First, Talk Less Especially When It Comes To Anger
Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Each of us comes into life with an inborn hunger to be known, loved, and accepted.
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